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A Day in the Life

... I'd rather fly

January 28th, 2012

a quiz @ 03:06 am

Current Mood: calm calm
Current Music: "Make Love" - Daft Punk

in which i pretend to be an alienCollapse )


January 19th, 2012

some words @ 04:13 am

Current Mood: anxious anxious
Current Music: "Helena Beat" - Foster the People

insanityCollapse )


January 15th, 2012

(no subject) @ 11:18 pm

Meaninglessness. I used to think it was a negative concept. But... me. Freedom. Express. Self. World. Everything is so tiresome to think about. Fuck it. Look at your cat. He's licking rice milk. Now back to meaninglessness... whatever. All the whatever of the world. Sexy. That cat really fucking likes raisin bran. Marijuana. Explosions. Torture. End. Past and present torture. Foster the people. I would make the worst foster parent of the people. I DO make the worst foster parent of the people. I'm not a very good parent of myself either. I really don't think I'm cut out for it. And I'm OK with that. Ride the ribbons of sound. That's nice. Orange jacket. So why all the rage? Why all the rage, baby? Cause fuck them, that's why. Fuck their excuses. Fuck their pathetic excuses. Fuck their lies. Fuck all their BULLSHIT LIES. Kill the fucking father. Is this what I've become? I like it. It's intoxicating. But I can't ignore the idea that it's not a good enough way to spend a life. But what is? You can be anything. Fuck the mother. The mother is important too. And the wisdom to know the difference. I'm so sick of trying to be rational. Why not just rationally admit that I'm irrational and just get on with it? You can't neglect the mother. You need both for balance. Thank you for reminding me, self. Fuck yeah. Drugs. Where was I? Dancing with the light and the darkness. Whatever...

January 12th, 2012

rambles @ 09:26 pm

Current Mood: high high

"in which I talk rather a lot"
to see the showCollapse )

end note:

"respect for life. connection. earth. healing. unity. compassion. these things have meaning to me. love. peace. understanding. these i pursue. to be a light. to discover. to seek the light of my true self. to free my mind of barriers. to be one. to be the cosmos." ~ jude however


November 25th, 2011

goddamit. would you get up? @ 08:35 pm

Current Mood: high high
Current Music: Borderlands!

I was thinking about... gender boundaries. I think they cause a great deal of trouble and are rather cruel to implement. I think we should be challenging not just homophobia or transphobia but all gender-related prejudice. It's not that big a deal, if you think about it. In real life, it wouldn't really do us much harm to stop trying to force ourselves into "blue is for boys, pink is for girls"- shaped boxes. Stop trying to force each other. Maybe hormones in the water or whatever DID ruin your little boy... but get over it. Effeminate boys are just as good as any other kind. That's where it starts to get personal and I realize I might lose my objectivity. I still have a great deal of gender-related problems... shame and guilt... which all gets very confusing and difficult to navigate. Trouble is, I'm still not sure what I'm ashamed of... I want to be loved as something other than a problem child. I don't want to be on the fringe of acceptable, but I can't change what I am. Just imagine, for a moment, that YOU are a young man who has been treated as a girl his entire life. Imagine what it would be like to be that little boy. Or teenager. Try. Don't try to tell me what "made me like I am" or how I'm just crazy because I was molested or whatever. I know what I am and what I've been far better than anyone else does and I have identified as an effeminate male for at least as long as I've been forming memories. Transgenderism isn't mental illness or choice to follow satan or whatever the popular notion is. Transgenderism is biological and it's real and it's just as good as cisgenderism. 

November 22nd, 2011

Writer's Block: Occupy Wall-et @ 06:20 pm

Current Mood: depressed depressed

Almost $3000 still in student loans, and I dropped out after the first year. I can't imagine what I would be dealing with if I hadn't...
How much debt do you have?

November 20th, 2011

(no subject) @ 11:58 pm

So... I need to research humans. Like, what is known about their behaviour patterns. I'm terribly interested in irrationality. Sometimes it's interesting and sometimes it's just terrible. Violence, irrationality, denial. The way society works irrationality into itself. How do you learn about that? It's very hard to ask directions on such a touchy subject, which is in itself fascinating. I feel rather bad about all of it, really. I want to understand humans, but they get so offended. I'm not sure how to approach it. Is work being done on this? Like, on the ways that violence excused by dogma or tradition is irrationally suspended in society? I'm having trouble saying what I mean, somehow. Trying to have a rational conversation about irrationality is damn near impossible. I have this feeling that it's important to see the connexions between our problems. I never really got trained properly in social interactions. I think I might be lucky in that, even though it's disastrous in some respects. What I need is a group of people who don't believe in beating children, using non-humans, making up deities, making up anything to comfort themselves... what am I saying? People who are committed to truth, compassion, and non-violence. And freedom. Who aren't ridiculously touchy. What's that called? Atheists? Hippie atheists? Hippie atheist anarchists? The first thing I got on google was somebody proudly proclaiming not to be those things. *le sigh* Or just like, anybody who is committed to intellectual honesty and compassion. At the same time. I'm tired. What I should REALLY work on is how to take care of myself and stop letting other shit overwhelm my head. 

(no subject) @ 04:51 pm

Current Mood: coffee and weed
Current Music: "Ride Into Obsession" - Blind Guardian

So... I was thinking about stuff. I was thinking about rights and control and opposition and facts. I don't think people ought to control one another, so I don't think of my ideas in terms of right and wrong, per se. I'm what is sometimes called an animal liberationist. Right to life. Right to life is not anything. That truly means nothing, in reality. It represents a purely human idea. It implies that whether someone "deserves" their life is up to humans to decide, which is absurd. There is no such thing as "deserving," I think. It's just something people make up about whether other people meet their criteria. Which is also absurd. Whether someone meets your criteria for deserving to live is a purely arbitrary thing, and quite meaningless. The "meaning of life" is also completely relative, as far as I can tell. "Rights" are a human invention. The concept of "gay rights" is actually quite insulting, in my view. Women's rights. African-American rights. Can anything be more demeaning or obscene? Animal rights. The very term is appalling, from a sort of liberationist intellectual standpoint. Think about it. Animal. Meaning "not human" because of course, humans aren't animals. They're... better. Smarter. Faster. Stronger. Except that they're not. At all. But whatever. And then rights. The "right" to live can be granted or denied by humans, because they're better. Humans get to put that judgment on everyone else. I do not think a tiger in the jungle wonders whether he has the right to kill a human if he sees one. And I do not think a tiger in the jungle cares whether humans believe he has the right to live. Because the tiger didn't make that up. And if it were explained to a tiger that hairless apes do not believe he has the right to live, he would probably do whatever is a tigery approximation of laughing hysterically before he ate the ape who explained it. It's all quite bizarre. Debating, for example, whether human children have the right not to be assaulted by their parents. Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. The question of whether humans have the right to abuse their offspring is not even a question! It makes no sense. And this is where I get tangled up with everybody. They hear "assaulting your child is likely to psychologically damage her and make her life much worse than it otherwise would be" as "I have decided that you no longer have the right to..." blah blah blah. Whatever it is they think they have the right to do to a human child. It's ridiculous. We could talk about facts. That wouldn't hurt. We could get smarter. We could help ourselves and free up a lot of unnecessary entanglements. That could happen. Why is it always about the rights? That doesn't even really mean anything. Just thoughts I've been having. Not sure where I'm going with it. I would like input though! :D

Writer's Block: A sight for sore eyes @ 03:47 pm

Current Mood: calm calm
Current Music: "My Last Sunrise" - Demons and Wizards

The Ffej.
What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

November 19th, 2011

the most honest thing @ 04:07 am

Current Location: bed. detect it.
Current Mood: none, or other
Current Music: Alohomora (Harry Potter Remix) - POGO

Time to talk to myself. Exhibitionist style. Feet cold. I cleaned the fuck out of the kitchen. Sensation. Feeling. Sensuality. Colour, taste, laugh. Lipstick. Hot water. Every green leaf. Coloured ice. Posters, pictures on the wall. Glow in the dark. Day Glo. Too fucking expensive. Green paper, coloured paints. Tyrannical really. Oh the things I could get up to, though, with a gallon of magenta paint. Even for $87.71. Sounds quite fabulous. I would really want some markers, though. Colours. Real, screaming colours. Black light. Make my eyes drool. Visual. Sensual. Pretty boy. So pretty. Skin. Candlelight. Warm. Balloons. Buoyant colour. Freedom on a string. Trains. Power. Speed and sound. Sensual. Brain toys. Pretty history. Intellectual. Biological. Historical. Psychological. Colour. Play dough. Chemicals and aerosol cans. Cookie pie. Chocolate pudding. Orange Extract. Colour and joy. Sen. Sation. Food and feeding. Laughter and sharing. Rosemary. Onion. Tofu. Extra virgin olive oil. Toys. Processed, chemically toys. Salt. Blood pressure be damned. Pipe. Passing. Warmth. Gathering. Incense and coffee. Colour. Paintings everywhere. Need more paintings. Clay. Sculptures. Supine, voluptuous sculptures. Elegant. Gazelle. Reaching. Spirit. All spirit. Life. Form. Lifeform. Yarn. Cloth. Delicate hands. Bright, shiny metal. Cool to touch. Moon. Sunset. Uranus. Involuntary reaction. Never grew up.  

A Day in the Life

... I'd rather fly